How to Be a Badass

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Dear P,

Due to your recent ear piercing, as well as your long history of kicking butt and taking names, you have long been raised to the level of “BADASS”

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Since you now occupy this elevated position in society, expect people to approach you and ask how they, too, can be as cool as you.

Since you are a badass effortlessly, you may not be able to answer this question. So I have laid out a few guidelines on rebelling it up:

  • Eat Crunchy Peanut Butter

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  • Drive Stick

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  • Develop Your Own Personality independent of your parents, friends, lovers, etc. People will hate you and then love you for it.

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  • Eat Spinach

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  • Take Awesome Pictures. You have this one down.

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  • Take Cold Showers. This is good for your skin, hair, and wakefulness as well as making you feel tough first thing in the morning.

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  • Kiss in Interesting Locations. 

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  • Name Your Guitar. If you don’t have a guitar, name the primary means you have of expressing yourself, like your favorite pen, cooking utensil, typewriter, etc.

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  • Be Ready to Meet Life’s Challenges. Keep your mind and body fine-tuned and ready for anything.

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  • Don’t Apologize Unless You Really Mean It. I have been working on my own list of things I refuse to apologize for to try and break this habit. So far, mine includes vulgar jokes, when I get too close to someone on accident (but don’t actually run into them), needing help, my faith, being passionate about my interests, not wanting a dog, and wearing interesting things.

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Loads of Love and Badassery,

E

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