How to Be a Badass


Dear P,

Due to your recent ear piercing, as well as your long history of kicking butt and taking names, you have long been raised to the level of “BADASS”

Since you now occupy this elevated position in society, expect people to approach you and ask how they, too, can be as cool as you.

Since you are a badass effortlessly, you may not be able to answer this question. So I have laid out a few guidelines on rebelling it up:

  • Eat Crunchy Peanut Butter


  • Drive Stick


  • Develop Your Own Personality independent of your parents, friends, lovers, etc. People will hate you and then love you for it.


  • Eat Spinach


  • Take Awesome Pictures. You have this one down.


  • Take Cold Showers. This is good for your skin, hair, and wakefulness as well as making you feel tough first thing in the morning.


  • Kiss in Interesting Locations. 


  • Name Your Guitar. If you don’t have a guitar, name the primary means you have of expressing yourself, like your favorite pen, cooking utensil, typewriter, etc.


  • Be Ready to Meet Life’s Challenges. Keep your mind and body fine-tuned and ready for anything.


  • Don’t Apologize Unless You Really Mean It. I have been working on my own list of things I refuse to apologize for to try and break this habit. So far, mine includes vulgar jokes, when I get too close to someone on accident (but don’t actually run into them), needing help, my faith, being passionate about my interests, not wanting a dog, and wearing interesting things.


Loads of Love and Badassery,



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