Confidence Through Body Language

Dear P,

Today I watched this TED talk:

And it confirmed what I have already read in dozens of articles: body language is important. How you conduct yourself does not only have an effect on how others see you- it has on effect on how you see yourself, and your corresponding behavior.

I typed “Confidence” into google images and here is one of the first images that came up:




He’s pumping himself up, making himself bigger! Look at this compared to the image that came up for “Low Self-Esteem”:




She is making herself smaller and touching her head/neck area, a self-reassuring action that is a sure sign of lack of confidence.

Are you likely to be happier with yourself if you act like Wonder Woman or Anne Hathaway before she gets a makeover in the “The Princess Diaries”?




Here are some tips about how to carry yourself like the fairy-princess-superhero-cowgirl you are:

  • When first meeting someone, shake hands with strong eye contact and give them at least three seconds to look you over uninterrupted. 
  • When you smile, get your eyes involved. Crinkles on the sides of your eyes are the only true sign of a genuine smile.image
  • For strong rapport, look at someone 60-70% of the time you are together.
  • Blink less. Blinking is a sign of nervousness.
  • Don’t bite or suck your lip. Also a sign of self-consciousness.
  • Nod slowly in groups of threes to show comprehension and to encourage the speaker to continue. If you’re trying to give off the sense that you’re listening, also tilt your head slightly to the side.
  • Remember what your mom always said and put your shoulders back. If your mother never said this, you can borrow from the three times every day mine did.
  • Stand with your legs slightly apart. Again, the idea is to make yourself as large as possible without being obnoxious.image
  • Lean towards people you want to seem interested in. Also, mirror their body language. 
  • That said, don’t keep shifting your weight around. This gives off a lack of confidence.
  • Avoid touching yourself. Masturbation jokes aside, if you are touching your ears, neck, arms or hugging your legs to yourself it shows vulnerability and self-consciousness.
  • Open your hands and use them to gesture. This shows that you are expressive, honest and open to new ideas.image
  • The first person to look away at an introduction is the most submissive.
  • Equal handshakes generate the most rapport.
  • Raising your eyebrows is submissive but this is not necessarily a bad thing. Raising your eyebrows at someone will almost always bring a smile.
  • If you want to indicate that you admire someone, place your head on your open hands as if one a platter.
  • Instead of pointing with your index finger, which comes off as rude,point with your index finger touching your thumb:image
  • Standing with your hands behind your back shows confidence. 
  • Don’t fold your arms. 
  • Walk quickly while swinging your arms. 

For more fun body language info, watch this clear and informative video:!

I hope you had fun on your ate-day!  Loads of love and hugs!



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